Eyes wide open : FSGS Sucks

That's how mine are, anyway.  It's 3:07am, and I am having ANOTHER bout of insomnia.

I was reading a book in bed tonight (A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson) that I'm really interested in.  I just finished up the Steve Jobs autobiogaphy (also, very good read) but I was ready for some new subject matter. Anyway, I could hardly stay awake reading it (even though the topics are fascinating to me), so I put the iPad down and turned off the light.


And then I had the thought.


And I think it cursed me.


The thought was "insomnia".  Yep, that's it, more or less.  Just the word.  I thought about it, and now it seems to have happened.  I was thinking how great it would be to be able to stay awake enough to read and get some things done, without the side effects of not-sleeping.  Then that word popped in to my brain, and I've been awake ever since.


I wonder if the way I was feeling today is any sort of pre-cursor...some kind of warning.  I was telling Joacim that "I just didn't feel right in my body" today.  Nearly impossible to explain to anyone outside of my body, but I recognize when things are "off".  Not that that's anything concrete or scientific or anything....I'm just "off".


I took 6mg of melatonin and gave it another hour.  Eyes wide open.


So, I just took a sleeping pill, am eating some Cheerios (because, oddly enough, I seem to crave Cheerios when I can't sleep), and writing this down so I remember tomorrow when I wake up from my (hopefully) chemically-induced stupor.


Frustrating, it is.  I wanted to get up early..run a few errands....enjoy my coffee.  We all have dentist appointments tomorrow in the middle of the day, and then we (my husband's parents are here visiting) planned on heading into the city to do some exploring.


Now, for me anyway, it's all in jeopardy.  If I don't get some sleep, I'll have to stay home to recover.


And that makes me angry and bitter and sad....all at the same time.


So sprinkle some "sweet dream dust" on me.  Please.  I need some this morning.


I absolutely MUST get a handle on this.  Remember..a few weeks back, that I mentioned some good news?  Well, my GREAT news is that I got a new job!!!  My previous position was causing all kinds of stress, and at this stage of the game, it's the last thing I need.  So instead of continuing to complain about my situation, I went out and changed it, and a weight has been lifted.


I start my new job right after my in-laws leave to go back home, so I have until then to try to figure something out.  I CAN NOT let this get to me...or affect my new job, which I am so utterly excited about!!!