Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mother's Day Blues

Mother's Day, at least for me, never lives up to what I think it's supposed to be.

At this moment, in my current emotional and physical state, I should feel lucky for each and every Mother's Day I get to "celebrate".

I put celebrate in quotation marks because there's really no "celebration" here.  There's just Joacim and Izzy, and Joacim usually focuses on a present 3 days before the event, orders something last minute that doesn't arrive for the actual day, and is not necessarily something that I really even thought about wanting.  Then they'll go to Target a couple of days before and each get a card. That sounds harsh, but truth hurts sometimes.

My little Izzy came through today...she had made a book of poems in school and they're really cute.  There seems to be a strong theme about cooking and cookies throughout all of them.  I'm thankful that the theme wasn't sick and dying...glad she's not focusing on those aspects of life at home.

But dammit....it's the partner's job (in this case, Joacim) to teach Izzy why we celebrate Mother's Day, not just at the start of the day, but ALL DAY. It's a day to make Mom's feel special for everything they do.  For me on Mother's Day, I just want acknowledgement of these things.  I want to know that THEY know what I do that makes me invaluable to this family.  I'm really feeling the need to feel valued at home because I'm not contributing anywhere else, and if no one here values me, then sometimes it's hard to figure out the point of all of this.

I feel like I work on that with Izzy when Father's Day comes around.  I haven't asked Joacim if he feels I've been successful though, so that's something I should do.

Joacim's birthday is Tuesday and I asked him if he wanted a special dinner and he's like "nah"...

UGGGGGGGGH!

For PETE'S SAKE....we should ALWAYS be celebrating birthdays (all of ours) with fanfare!!!  The birthday person should be celebrated!!!  I want Izzy's birthday to be the best day of the year for her, every year....that's what I strive for.  I'll never be the adult who says, "No, I don't need any presents....."   TOTAL LIES!  I LOVE ALL THE PRESENTS!!!!! :)

I'm feeling a lot on edge today because my blood pressures have been at stroke level several times this weekend.  I've need to take a hard look at my daily sodium intake to see how much I'm really consuming daily and see where I go from there.  Hopefully I can get in early again tomorrow for a UF run before dialysis to pull off the extra fluid that I think is due, in part, to a new blood pressure medicine.  It's all kind of a nightmare and I'm scared to go to sleep with my BP so high (203/117 at last check at 9:21pm) so I'm going to keep taking clonidine until it goes down enough to sleep.  Wish me luck.

14 comments:

  1. Unbelievable, I remembered I was once here in need of help on how to go about the problem of Nephrosis I was having, I must say those years was so frustrating, the experience was something outside the world of being normal,my wife had to join me in search of various kind of help,and the search lasted for 1 year and some months and like a dove sent from heaven, a friend of mine referred me to Dr Johnson a specialist with a difference full of knowledge, with his vaccines/medications and his advice on what to stay clear off and how to approach the problem, after one month of using his product, I was made well, I never believed there is a cure to Nephrosis, but now am a testimony.
    Any one with such problem can contact The Doctor on his mail address at drjohnson958@gmail.com

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  2. Hi Mrs. Trunk,

    I am very sorry to read about the recent events regarding AV-fistula, hemodialysis etc.! Please don't give up hopes! From personal experience, I would rather recommend conventional hemodialysis (3x/week), followed by "home" hemodialysis (which will significantly improve your quality of life). Besides, there are currently promising research endeavours made that could change the whole ordeal of any patient with chronic kidney disease (https://pharm.ucsf.edu/kidney).

    A compassionate "virtual" friend

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  3. Mothers day is very important to all mother .. so im happy and proud to all mother's happy mothers day to all mother

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  4. Hi! Hope you are doing better, I have been following your blog since 2011 when my husband was diagnosed with FSGS and I googled FSGS and came across you blog. I really appreciate your blog and learned a lot from you. I have bee thinking of you and your family because I have not seen any new posts. I pray that you are okay. My husband has been on dialysis for 2 1/2 years and it's been hell. We are waiting to train for home hemo in September.

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  5. oh! I'm so sad i hope you are okay now,U just to faith and prayer both are invisible, but they make impossible things possible

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  6. .Please don't give up. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

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  7. Thanks God you are okay right now please take care your self and pray always ,, im so touch this article.

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  8. Thinking of you today, Jenn, and sending you energy and prayers! I am no longer at Rockwell, but am still thinking of, and pulling for you!! - Stacy Kelly

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  9. hey jenn,

    try to shift to home hemodialysis. you need time to recover and distance from the medical nightmare! best wishes,

    john berger

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  10. Hey Jenn,

    Please check in to let us know you're doing fine! Your blogs have been so inspirational. Looking forward to more. Best wishes!!!!

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Mother's Day Blues

Mother's Day, at least for me, never lives up to what I think it's supposed to be. At this moment, in my current emotional and phy...