Friday, May 20, 2011

Colonoscopy : FSGS Sucks

I had an appointment with a GI doctor last week to try to uncover the culprit behind my ridiculous intestinal issues. Unfortunately for me, that meant a colonoscopy. I was supposed to have one of these in 2006 because I thought I had IBS, but I chickened out after reading the prep instructions. It seemed that that would be kind of idiotic this time since I've been complaining SO much about my diarrhea. I just figured that it couldn't hurt at this least we could rule anything out with it.

So, what does a colonoscopy entail? Well, aren't you all so very lucky that I'm going to share all of this with you????  Well, it started out by me getting my "liquid diet" ready. 

Here's where my first problem occurred....I didn't properly READ the directions, and found out at 5:30pm the night before that I was supposed to be on a clear liquid diet since that morning!!!  Yes, that was AFTER the Skyline chili and this leftover pot roast from the night before. I don't know what it is about me, but whenever I have to restrict my eating (like fasting for a blood test or something), I gorge...completely.
This was a particularly bad idea because I was completely full before I realized that I had to drink 32 ounces of this prep stuff, PLUS 16 ounces of some other clear liquid AFTER that.  I did NOT feel good.
Here's a video of me drinking this prep facial expression is priceless.

Now, after I finished drinkin this stuff (I started at 5:30pm), I kept track of every time I was numerous....
 (I'm not even exaggerating...I may have actually forgotten a couple).  awful.  ick.  eww.

And here I am after round 1.  Notice the slight change in my demeanor.

I had to get up again at 2:00am to do the 2nd round, and it was WORSE.  It took me 2 hours to drink that crap (as opposed to the 1 hour it took me the first time).  
And here are my poops:
4:09a (it's incredible how cold I am at this point...shivering)

I think the only reason I stopped pooping was because I apparently dozed off around 5:00am.  Joacim woke up at 6 or 6:30, walked the dogs and took Izzy to daycare, and I got up around 8:30am for my 9:00am appointment.  The beauty of this one is that I didn't give 2 shits how I looked.  No bra, no hairbrush..nothing.  I DID brush my teeth though :)

Here's Joacim and I in the waiting area.  I am BY A GENERATION the youngest person in here.

All I want is a donut at this point...I'm soooo hungry....

Now here's where it gets pretty funny, if you ask me. I had my phone with me because I was reading a book while waiting.  When they wheeled me back in the room, they quickly gave me the sedative.  Apparently, I videotaped EVERYTHING.  I have absolutely no recollection of this (THANK YOU DEMEROL), but I found it on my iPhone later that night...

These are pretty freakin' hilarious from my point of view, especially since I don't remember a thing.  All I can say is that I'm a happy drunk AND a happily sedated person :)

Do you notice how many times I say, "I have a blog"???  God, I'm so annoying!  :)  And I was coherent enough to get photos of everyone in the room...I am ON it!

This, I'm gathering, is the student nurse
And my doctor, Dr. Troiano.  He's a New Yorker, with the thick accent and all, but totally cool.  He started listening to The White Stripes right before I went to my "happy" place.
Recovery nurse...
This video cracks me up the most...especially at the end.


And Bob Evans.....

I agree with everyone that said that the prep was worse that the actual colonoscopy. Couldn't agree more. That prep liquid was HORRIBLE. AWFUL. DISCUSTING. I swear..pooping wasn't that big of a deal because that's been the story of my life for the last month, but that prep liquid....indescribable. And sadly, this is only the first of many in my hopefully long life.

I hope you've all enjoyed my little story here ;)


  1. I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. Sending healing wishes your way. Take good care of yourself.

  2. I had some issues when I was like 25 and they wanted to rule everything out so I had a colonoscopy. I ended up just moving the TV to the bedroom so that I could watch it from the toilet. I gave up counting and just sat. And sat. And sat.

    Turns out that I sang through my procedure! They had a soft-rock station, so I guess I was singing Madonna and Sting. Wowsers! I really wish I had been blogging back then!!


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