End of my rope : FSGS Sucks

I am sooooo nearing the end of my rope right now.  It's a daily battle just to make it out of bed, and every day I look forward to the day where I can just sleep.  All day.  Uninterrupted.

Since we got back from our wonderful vacation, it's been a whirlwind of "things to do" at home.  First, it was trying to empty out 3 bedrooms and an office in order to prepare for new carpet which was installed this past weekend.  For anyone that REALLY knows me, they know that this was a huge struggle for me.  I don't live well in a state of chaos (mental OR physical).  And having everything in our home crammed into our living room and sunroom drove me crazy.  Seriously..I couldn't even get to the back door of the house.  And the day of the carpet installation I felt like a caged animal...caged because we had to put a gate up in the kitchen to contain the dogs, and because the kitchen was the ONLY place in the house that had a place to sit down (besides outside, and it was 90 degrees that day, so no go there).  And I pushed it VERY hard, physically.  Friday night and Saturday morning were spent getting the last few things out of the rooms, like our bed.  And once the carpet was installed, we spent the rest of Saturday trying to put everything away, which we mostly accomplished.  Sunday we did yard work, trying to clean the place up to get photos taking for the upcoming sale.  I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

I'm tired.  So tired.  And I can't sleep when I finally get to lie down at night.  And if I DO get to sleep, then Izzy inevitable wakes up at 2:00am screaming OR I have to go to the bathroom from all the damn useless diuretics I'm taking, one or the other, or both.

Work is crazy.  I spent HOURS sitting in front of my computer, which makes my legs swell even more.  Yesterday, but the end of the day, my capri pants were actually stuck on my calf of my left leg because they were so swollen.  There's just no end in sight to this.  Everytime I think I can take a day off from work, someone schedules a meeting.  Everytime I come to work for an early meeting, I get here and see that it's been rescheduled.  I swear, I'm wallowing in my self pity (but that's pretty much what this blog is for ;), but I just can't seem to catch a breather right now.

I keep thinking that, once the house is on the market, it'll slow down, but I'm fooling myself.  Then it's a constant battle of keeping it ready to show at a moment's notice.  I'm working a lot, and working late, so if this happens and I need to get outta here, I'm not sure what I'll do.  We've got to get the dogs AND the cat out of the house (and the cat is no easy creature, judging by the battle we had to undertake to put him in his carrier before vacation).  And we still have to FIND a new house, which means a trip to Minnesota.

I need a mental rejuvenation, at the very least.  And for me, this means being able to go out in the evening, drive around in the country and take photos of the big, beautiful evening skies that I've been seeing lately.  But I can't do that right now...can't afford to spend that time, and that makes me feel even more down.

And the swelling.  It's just monumentally bad right now.  It's like carrying two milk jugs of water around right now...literally, with the amount of weight I've gained since I got back from vacation.  I have an appointment with my neph on Friday, and we're gonna have a "come to Jesus" about the metolazone.  I need it.  Plain and simple.  I need it to gain some traction back in my life.

Whine, whine, whine...I know...but I just need a break.