This is not a cry for help, so please don't take it that way. I fully understand what is happening, but I need to write about it.
I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again. To say that I'm busy is such a wild understatement. I feel as though I only have the ability to focus on any one thing for about 5 minutes. That's not an exaggeration....just fact.
Driving is hard. My mind is always wandering. I'm supposed to be working at home. I'm not doing such a great job at that either. I sit down in front of the computer to get started, and then 2 hours later go by and I've done nothing. I read the same paragraphs over and over and over.
I know they say meditation helps, and I'm going to try. I'm positive my friend Holly would be crying out "Hallelujah" right now reading that sentence :) I'm still working out, although even now, being home a lot, I still feel like I'm trying to squeeze that in. And even when I start working out again, the good feelings only last so long because quickly the guilt creeps in because I'm not working out enough. I stay up too later because it's the only quiet time, and then I take a Xanax (because we switched my happy pill meds for my IBS) at night, and I swear I could sleep a solid 12 hours a day and feel minimally rested. And if you can't tell, I'm REALLY hard on myself..by far the worst critic I'll ever have.
I need to feel centered. I need to take a deep breath. I need space to stretch out because I feel like my limbs are constricted. Even having all this time at home hasn't helped because every single freaking day there's some kind of commitment that I have. Some phone call I HAVE to make, some errand I HAVE to run, some paperwork I FORGOT to complete, some appointment I HAVE to go to....it's never fucking ending.
I NEED a break. I NEED all of this move business/instability to end.