Details of the "yes"

I slept blissfully last night.  I slept for nearly 11 hours, and I woke up feeling physically and mentally better than I have in quite awhile.

So, I wanted to write details about yesterday because I don't want to forget a thing.  This blog is my entire record of this process.  I plan on printing a book for myself of it when I'm on the other side, so I want to make sure I capture everything.  I haven't been doing a great job of that since I've been on dialysis, and I'm sure I'll be disappointed with myself later on for not keeping up.  It's strange....before I started dialysis, I wrote about every minute little thing, but once I started dialysis I completely changed and wrapped myself up in a little emotional ball, not wanting to deal with it.  I got to the point where I just didn't feel like I had any more to offer, and I stopped writing.  Part of it was denial, part of it was depression.  But now my little black cloud has lifted and I'm ready to write again.

A bit of a recap of last week.  Mayo was kind enough to allow Adam to do his follow-up blood pressure testing at home, and they set it up through the University of Minnesota.  Adam picked up the monitor Thursday morning, and then wore it the remainder of the day while he was at home (having taken a vacation day).  I think he binge-watched a lot of shows on Netflix and hung out with his dog.  He turned in the monitor on Friday morning, and received the results Friday afternoon.  The results were incredible, really, from my perspective.  His heart rate average was in the 40's (which is a little more than HALF of my heart rate!) and his blood pressure was OPTIMAL.

Needless to say, we were feeling pretty good.  I'm so thankful for Adam and how dedicated he is to this, and his willingness to do whatever it takes to keep things moving forward.  He reached out to his coordinator, and we had hoped for a call from the nephrologist at Mayo on Monday.  We didn't get a phone call, but he did get an email from his nurse coordinator that said the nephrologist had reviewed his results and that she agreed they looked good.  Frustratingly non-commital.....it's like they're trained to not get anyone's hopes up, right?

Adam and I spent Tuesday together driving to Iowa for work....I feel like we've seen a LOT of each other this week ;).  We knew that Wednesday was the BIG day in that its when Adam's case was going to be presented to the transplant committee again.  I knew that meeting was in the morning, so I was on pins and needles after 10:00am.  We had a meeting together at 11:00a, and neither one of us mentioned it...I think we were both anxious.  I went out to lunch after with another co-worker, and got back into the office around 1:15-1:30.  I dropped my stuff off at the conference room in the front of our office, and then I headed back to Adam's office, and ran into him on my way back.  He was on the phone, and I KNEW that it was THE call.  All I heard was "yes" and saw this immense smile flash across his face.  Damn....that was an amazing moment!!!!!!

I ran off to call Joacim, but he wasn't answering his phone, so I just sat in a conference room and cried.  No, I sobbed....like a baby.  All of the frustration and anxiety and fear and hope just washed over me.  I think is stared hyperventilating a little bit ;)  I honestly didn't know what to do with all of my happiness.  Ideally, I would've been at home with my family, but I was at work so it was a bit of a different experience.  I found Bill in another conference room (Bill's brother was my nephrologist before I went on dialysis, and he used to be Adam's boss, so we know each other really well).  Anyway, he's always been a bit of a calming influence, so I went in to talk to him and just get out some of the happy.  Adam must've heard me sobbing and came in, and we both just talked, and it was just freaking amazing!!!  Shit, words are never going to do the feelings justice here, but this picture pretty much sums up the emotions!! :)

I wish I could've just left work right then.  I clearly wasn't capable of doing much except for smiling and talking about it.  Unfortunately, Adam and I were both doing a presentation for work in an hour...what a buzzkill!!!!  We had to go, but it wasn't willingly :)

After that was over, we headed downtown to the rooftop garden of Adam and Noel's (his girlfriend) apartment to sip some champagne and celebrate!  Joacim left work early, picked up Izzy and headed down as well.

It was literally the perfect little celebration.  I just don't think I can wipe this smile off of my face.  I read all of the Facebook comments, and this warm gushiness washes all over me.  I want to thank every single one of you who took the time to write a positive message to us, but my fingers may bleed because that was A LOT OF PEOPLE!  I felt every single drop of the love that was flowing yesterday, and I just feel so damn lucky right now.